just

have you ever felt that everything you do is out of control? that no matter how right you try to make things, it just won't work? that your heart is gone?

right now. i feel all of them. plus the feeling that there is something missing more then just my heart. my happiness has been pretty much no-existant for the last few days. i've rarely smiled. but i should be happy right? i mean 14 years and a sister finds me. i have the most beautiful girlfriend an idiot, foolish man like me could ever ask for... so why can't i smile? why does it feel like i'm alone, forever alone.

i have a doobie sitting an staring at me. calling me to smoke it, but even as addicted to pot as i am, i don't want it. it seems that that "drug" is the only way to make me smile in the present moments of the last few days. so why won't i smoke it?

someone save me...

from myself.

soo sorry for not posting more. been busy with work and it's begining to piss me off. on the other hand, my brothers family is doing well. i am writing another story, staring my niece. things with steph and i are great, although i am sad for her leaving. other then that nothing new to report.

a

another one bites the dust....

just wanted to say congrats to my big brother and his fiance, they had a beautiful baby girl, 7 pounds 10 onces. Cira Madison Chute... welcome to the fucked up world you'll call home.

a new one.

"Amen"

a trusting hand,
too calm in the grasp.
as it pulls on me,
pulling me away.
and in between the cliff's rocks i see
i see everything i once believed.
hanging where i once was.
bleeding out what I've done.

a lie in the truth,
i can see it hurt.
but what am i to do,
the bloods been spilt.
and when i go to where i belong I'll see
I'll see everything that meant something to me.
hanging where i once was.
bleeding out what I've done.

can't i be complete?
can't everyone, just for once,
believe in me?
I've got no one on my side,
only my enemies.
waiting for the day i fail to see,
see everything i believed.
hanging where i once was.
bleeding out what I've done.

and heaven's gates open.

amen.

i can hear the angels sing.

amen.

I'm home again...

amen.

waiting for the day i see.
i see everything i believed.
replace the rest of me.
once again making me complete.
and all I've done...
forgiven...

amen.

Andrew c

two new things, one is weird.

the first:

"Crashing Down"

good bye to all i had,
i'm crying blood as i crash.
my veins feel my pain,
as another needle gets pushed deeper in.
now watch me break down,
watch as tears stream down my face.

good bye to all my happiness,
i thought that this time it would last.
i guess i was wrong,
but how long has this loss been giving in.
now watch me break down,
my senses have been long gone.

treat this as a good bye,
cause thats all i have to say.
no more words of comfort,
no more words of praise.

good by to everyone i loved,
this heart carries you no longer.
cause my mind has gone from me,
ran away when you left.
now watch me break down,
watch as tears stream down my face.

good bye to you and all your feelings,
i need them like a hole in the head.
but i never thought it could be this easy,
saying that you never loved me.
go ahead and use me then,
i'm free to distribute.

treat this as a good bye,
cause thats all i have to say.
no more words of comfort,
no more words of praise.
i'm sick of all your things,
of all the leavings you throw from the table.
i'm sick of all that you were,
and soon i'll be sick of all that you are.
treat this as a good bye,
cause thats all i have to say.

the second:

"Last Words"

treasured love of nothing's feeling
a numbness deep inside is comforting.
but trust lies and truth is forgotten,
when thunder sounds and lighting hits.
bow down, bow down.

in forever's hollow gaze
but fearful of nothing standing in my way
i walked a long road and now i'm home
but home was forgotten
restless spirit...

and if life rots away from my bones.
let the bugs feast on what skin is left,
cause i found home in eternal sleep.

breathe deep the smell of ocean air
as sunrise hits the sky
watch red flare through the blue
and remember of things lost.
home is paradise... lost

fires burn high
and laughter rings out with screams of pain
the pits of hell seem clear to me
no vision like this could be a dream
no dream like this could be real.

and as life rots away from me bones
let the bugs feast on what skin is left
cause i found home in eternal sleep
i found a place to rest

deep scars run across my back
hell's angel's strapped to my kneck
their bidding be done
my soul has been won
the devil beat my dice.

and as life rots away from my bones.
let the bugs feast on what skin is left.
cause i found home in eternal sleep.
i found a place to rest.

Andrew C. McCullough

my dream after moving to nanaimo...

Technical Info
Model Name: Standard Precision Bass� (Upgrade)

Model Number: 013-6100-(Color #)

Series: Standard Series

Colors:
(306) Black
(325) Chrome Red
(332)* Brown Sunburst
(375) Midnight Wine
(380) Arctic White
(387) Electron Blue
(Polyester Finish)

Body: Alder

Neck: Maple, Modern ?C? Shape,(Satin Polyurethane Finish)

Fingerboard: Rosewood, 9.5 in. Radius (241mm)

No. of Frets: 20 Medium Jumbo Frets

Pickups: 1 Standard Precision Bass Split Single-Coil Pickup (Mid)

Controls: Volume, Tone

Pickup Switching: None

Bridge: Standard Vintage Style

Machine Heads: Standard

Hardware: Chrome

Pickguard: 3-Ply White

Scale Length: 34 in. (864 mm)

Width at Nut: 1.625 in. (41.3 mm)

Unique Features: "New" Knurled Chrome P Bass Knobs

Strings: Fender Super Bass 7250ML, NPS, Gauges: (.045, .065, .080, .100)

Accessories: Standard Gig Bag

Case: None

COST:$424.95 - $607.12

Happy - Mudvayne