watch me fall to my knees
twisted legs can't hold me
deep inside i bleed
and my life seems lonly
so as i crash again and again
into walls built to hold me in
i release a scream so wicked,
that i hardly make a sound
i'm thrown through tortures
left bloody and bruised
as i watch my scream gets wasted
and i end up used
watch as my life takes a dive
another into shollow water
and listen as bones crack and break
shattered into the tissue
if i seem so lonely
if i seem so afraid
it's only cause i'm fading.
already ready to break.
Andrew C.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
passion miss spelled as entrapment
"beautiful"- Sevendust
200 miles per hour
that's how fast i seem to go
with the weight of the world on my shoulders
slow down, come and catch us all
WAIT!
slow down!
Take!
slow down!
why can't you help me?
slow down!
feel
when i'm in doubt
i need something beautiful
to fill the spaces we've taken up
i need something to feel real
again before i go numb
downward spiral, a kaleidoscope view
is what you're seeing saying so jaded
the picture i drew
come again, come again, come again!
wait!
take!
wait!
why can't you help me?
wait!
take!
wait!
take!
feel when i'm in doubt
feel when i'm in doubt
i need something beautiful
to fill the spaces we've taken up
i need something to feel real
again before i go numb
are you alive?
are you alive?
i'm alive
when i'm in doubt
i'm alive.
this song really has no bearing on what is going on in my life right now, but at times it strikes me as a way to escape somethings that bother me. it helps me to forget bad times passed andwill persue to do it in the future. i love sevendust and i am glad to have "re-discovered" this song at the time that i did. my thoughts are clear again, i know what i must do. so now it's up to me to do it.
Andrew C.
200 miles per hour
that's how fast i seem to go
with the weight of the world on my shoulders
slow down, come and catch us all
WAIT!
slow down!
Take!
slow down!
why can't you help me?
slow down!
feel
when i'm in doubt
i need something beautiful
to fill the spaces we've taken up
i need something to feel real
again before i go numb
downward spiral, a kaleidoscope view
is what you're seeing saying so jaded
the picture i drew
come again, come again, come again!
wait!
take!
wait!
why can't you help me?
wait!
take!
wait!
take!
feel when i'm in doubt
feel when i'm in doubt
i need something beautiful
to fill the spaces we've taken up
i need something to feel real
again before i go numb
are you alive?
are you alive?
i'm alive
when i'm in doubt
i'm alive.
this song really has no bearing on what is going on in my life right now, but at times it strikes me as a way to escape somethings that bother me. it helps me to forget bad times passed andwill persue to do it in the future. i love sevendust and i am glad to have "re-discovered" this song at the time that i did. my thoughts are clear again, i know what i must do. so now it's up to me to do it.
Andrew C.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble? A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test. Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results. Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done. Then forward this to all your friends (including the person who sent it to you) and change the subject of this message to what character is you.
1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
.a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
.b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
.c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
.d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
.e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2. What is your favorite type of music?
.a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
.b) Alternative (1 pt.)
.c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
.d) Country (5 pts.)
.e) Pop (3 pts.)
3. What type of movies do you prefer?
.a) Comedy (2 pts.)
.b) Horror (1 pt.)
.c) Musical (3 pts.)
.d) Romance (4 pts.)
.e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
.a) Waiter (4 pts.)
.b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
.c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
.e) Cashier (1 pt)
5. What do you do with your spare time?
.a) Exercise (5 pts.)
.b) Read (4 pts.)
.c) Watch television (2 pts.)
.d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
.e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
.a) Yellow (1 pt.)
.b) White (5 pts.)
.c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
.d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
.e) Red (4 pts.)
7. What do you prefer to eat?
.a) Snow (3 pts.)
.b) Pizza (2 pts.)
.c) Sushi (1 pt.)
.d) Pasta (4 pts.)
.e) Salad (5 pts.)
8 What is your favorite holiday?
.a) Halloween (1 pt.)
.b) Christmas (3 pts.)
.c) New Year (2 pts.)
.d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
.e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
.a) Paris (4 pts)
.b) Spain (5 pts)
.c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
.d) Hawaii (4 pts)
.e) Hollywood (3 pts)
10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
.a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
.b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
.c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
.d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
.e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you. It is very interesting to see "who" your friends are!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield: You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times
(24-28 points) You are Elmo: You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.
(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants: You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free.
(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown: You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(44-50 points) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!
i'm snoopy....
1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
.a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
.b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
.c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
.d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
.e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)
2. What is your favorite type of music?
.a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
.b) Alternative (1 pt.)
.c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
.d) Country (5 pts.)
.e) Pop (3 pts.)
3. What type of movies do you prefer?
.a) Comedy (2 pts.)
.b) Horror (1 pt.)
.c) Musical (3 pts.)
.d) Romance (4 pts.)
.e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
.a) Waiter (4 pts.)
.b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
.c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
.e) Cashier (1 pt)
5. What do you do with your spare time?
.a) Exercise (5 pts.)
.b) Read (4 pts.)
.c) Watch television (2 pts.)
.d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
.e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
.a) Yellow (1 pt.)
.b) White (5 pts.)
.c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
.d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
.e) Red (4 pts.)
7. What do you prefer to eat?
.a) Snow (3 pts.)
.b) Pizza (2 pts.)
.c) Sushi (1 pt.)
.d) Pasta (4 pts.)
.e) Salad (5 pts.)
8 What is your favorite holiday?
.a) Halloween (1 pt.)
.b) Christmas (3 pts.)
.c) New Year (2 pts.)
.d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
.e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
.a) Paris (4 pts)
.b) Spain (5 pts)
.c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
.d) Hawaii (4 pts)
.e) Hollywood (3 pts)
10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
.a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
.b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
.c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
.d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
.e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent this to you. It is very interesting to see "who" your friends are!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield: You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(17-23 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times
(24-28 points) You are Elmo: You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.
(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants: You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free.
(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown: You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(44-50 points) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!
i'm snoopy....
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
stole it from someone who stole it
A-accidents:
01. Have you ever been in a car accident? a friend and i got rear ended while waiting to turn
02. Do you have a lot of scars? all over
03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? yea, a few
04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? a think a few
05. Have you ever had stitches? many
B - Beauty:
06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? i'm comfortable with me
07. Are you self conscious of how you look? nope
08. Do you put on a lot of make-up? again nope
09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? not a chance in hell of that ever happening
10.What do you think makes a person beautiful? personality and a good sense of self
C - Consequences:
11. What was the longest amount of time you've been grounded for? 2 years, thanks mom
12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? i grew up without a parent, i wouldn't do that to my kids, accident or not
13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? sometimes, but mostly i don't care, it all depends on who the people are
14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? abandonment, i have a huge phobia of that
15. What is one thing you wish you didn't do, just because it wasn't worth it in the end? move to calgary
D - Dealing:
16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? i have what my family calls silent anger, it's something most ppl should stay away from...
17. Name a time when you had to be strong: through my teens or i wouldn't be here, i was strong even in the times when i felt weak, thanks to friends and family for that
18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? moms never been married, never plans to be married, so no on the divorce and all the maile figures in my life were worthless
19. When people at school don't accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? i just don't care
20. Have you ever lost someone to death? thankfully not yet
E - Experience:
21. Have you ever had a job? lots
22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? yes, long story
23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? by default i'm a sensitive person so i've had trouble through everything
24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? been doing it since i was 17
25. How old do you act? 16ish i would say
F - Family:
26. Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to? my uncle sterling for drug use and other things and my cousin sherry cause she's a whore
.27. If you had to choose, family or friends? no choice, i love you all
28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? anything
.29. Do you have any siblings? older brother, christopher james chute, 23 turning 24
30. How often do you spend 'quality time' with family members? we all have our own things going so not that much but we get together every once in a while
G - Growing:
31. How tall are you? 5'9”
32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? nope
33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? can be both
34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? no, i wanna get old but at the same time i don't cause then my life will end and that will be it, the next chapter will be death....
35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? in some areas yea
H - Hope:
36. Love - real or not? it's as real as people. i love you baby
37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? pessimist by default
38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? fate and karma play big in my life but i also drive my own destiny
39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? yes, and i can't explain why
40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? the love of my fiancee and family
I - Issues:
41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? have for a while now
42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? not that i know of
43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? i love her to death and the distance is great but we pull through the best we can for the moment, love you baby
44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? not as long as my family and friends stick by me
45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? used to be constantly but someone is pulling me out of it
J - Jokes:
46. Are you usually the one making people laugh, or the other way around? depends
47. Do you cry when you laugh hard? not really, my eyes water
49. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? i never really did anything in class except keep to myself
K - Knowledge:
50. The purpose of school: to prepare us for modern day life
51. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? i'm a genius in my dumbass ways is a fav quote that adam and i thought up when in calgary
52. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark)? not sure anymore
53. What was your last average? again not sure
54. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? ART
L - Love:
55. Are you currently in love? absolutly
56. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? yes
57. Is love worth it? in this case, till i die
58. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they 'love' someone that they've been dating for a few weeks? unless you know for a fact that you feel it, it shouldn't be said
59. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? only if i feel it ^^^
M - Money:
60. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? sadly...
61. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? i don't care, moms was a single mother raising two boys on her own, we did alright
62. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? no i'm saving to move
63. Would you rather win millions of dollars and be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry and start a family with? i'd rather have the love of my life thank you very much
64. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? 2
N - Naughty:
65. Are you a virgin? no
66. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you're not going out with? i've had enough of it
67. Do you know anybody you consider a slut? not at the moment, i have a reputation tho
68. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? i wouldn't erase anything or change anything, whats happend made me me
69. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? depends
O - Openness:
70. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? i'm a very paranoid person so i don't trust no one until they earn my trust and that takes a while
71. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? time and effort
72. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? past, present and probably future
73. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? the time was right for us, we waited long enough
74. When it comes to parents and close friends, what's the limit of what you can tell them? anything to a point
P - Positive:
75. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn't necessarily end positivetly? all the time
76. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? for those who have loved and lost, they know the pain, for those who havn't they will find out
77. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? pessimistic by default like a few questions back
78. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? something good that came out of something that could have been bad is happening in my life as we speak... and will continue until i die
79. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? i'm not sure
Q - Questions:
80. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? could go either way
81. Do you often question the world and how we came about? everytime i step outside into reality
82. Do you think the government is truthful? not a chance in hell
83. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? depends on how the situation is
84. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? idiocy
R - Respect:
85. How do you show respect? by always telling my friends and family whats on my mind no questions asked and just being there for them
86. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? hurting my friend/family, trying to steal what is mine, belittling ppl, any number of things
87. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? mom and grandma definatly, others can go to hell unless they show me the proper respect back. it goes both ways
88. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? i get yelled at alot
89. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? my mind is a little too viscious for it's own good sometimes
S - School:
90. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? nothing
91. When will you graduate high school? i got kicked out for calling the principal the "c" word 92. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? worked and moved alot
93. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? i hate school and thats all i'm saying
94. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? i've already answered that one
T - Temptation:
95. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? yes
96. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? not really
97. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? a long time ago, cause i was stupid
98. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn't really know or love? What did you end up doing? i've done too many things that are sexual that i can't remember them all
99. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? i can hold my own
U - Unique:
100. Would you rather blend in with the crowd or stand out? i blend even if i don't want to, but if anyone gets to know me i don't blend that well in my head
101. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? nope
102. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? i wear whats comfortable
103. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? nope
104. What makes you different from people your age? i'm me and they are themselves
V - Value:
105. What's the most expensive thing in your room? my 2 x-boxes and my cds
106. Would you sacrifice your life for other people? steph, most definatly, moms, most definatly, chris, yes, adam, yes, bob, yes, sean, yes
107. What is something you value not because it costs a lot, but because it means a lot to you? my pictures of steph cause they get me through the hard times when i miss her to much
108. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the one thing you would want to save? cds and both x-boxes
109. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could happen? then the future? some parts i wish i could forget, others make me think.
W - Wishes:
110. If you had three wishes, what would they be? to be with steph everyday, to have the money to pay for her schooling and for my mother to go to africa before she dies and doesn't have the chance to
111. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? i wish both, my loved ones to be happy in what they do and me to be happy knowing that they are alright and secure
112. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? depends on my mood
113. Have you ever had a wish come true? ones coming true as we speak, again i love you baby
114. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that's meant to happen, will happen? not everything that is meant to happen will happen, you need to work on them, just like your dreams and wishes
X - Xanga: Xanga (IPA: [zæŋgə]) is a website that hosts weblogs, photoblogs, and social networking profiles. It is operated by Xanga.com, Inc., based in New York City, USA.Y -
You:
115. Are you more independent or social? independant by default of paranoia of new people
116. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? certain things i see on blogs here and there, feeling useless, stuff like that
117. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? everyone does, they just need to work on it
118. What kind of person would you be if you didn't have guidance from family members, God, teachers, etc.? dead
119. Do you think people are generally good? they can be, but everyone has a vindictive side to them
Z - Zest:
120. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? at times, but then i get down
121. Are you more outgoing, ready for anything, or boring and shy? i can be any of those, depends on the situatuon
122. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? people change everyday
123. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? i like to try new things but i also like to keep my circle of friends small enough to be ok with
124. What is the most motivational thing in the world? the love of my fiancee
01. Have you ever been in a car accident? a friend and i got rear ended while waiting to turn
02. Do you have a lot of scars? all over
03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? yea, a few
04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? a think a few
05. Have you ever had stitches? many
B - Beauty:
06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? i'm comfortable with me
07. Are you self conscious of how you look? nope
08. Do you put on a lot of make-up? again nope
09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? not a chance in hell of that ever happening
10.What do you think makes a person beautiful? personality and a good sense of self
C - Consequences:
11. What was the longest amount of time you've been grounded for? 2 years, thanks mom
12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? i grew up without a parent, i wouldn't do that to my kids, accident or not
13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? sometimes, but mostly i don't care, it all depends on who the people are
14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? abandonment, i have a huge phobia of that
15. What is one thing you wish you didn't do, just because it wasn't worth it in the end? move to calgary
D - Dealing:
16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? i have what my family calls silent anger, it's something most ppl should stay away from...
17. Name a time when you had to be strong: through my teens or i wouldn't be here, i was strong even in the times when i felt weak, thanks to friends and family for that
18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? moms never been married, never plans to be married, so no on the divorce and all the maile figures in my life were worthless
19. When people at school don't accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? i just don't care
20. Have you ever lost someone to death? thankfully not yet
E - Experience:
21. Have you ever had a job? lots
22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? yes, long story
23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? by default i'm a sensitive person so i've had trouble through everything
24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? been doing it since i was 17
25. How old do you act? 16ish i would say
F - Family:
26. Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to? my uncle sterling for drug use and other things and my cousin sherry cause she's a whore
.27. If you had to choose, family or friends? no choice, i love you all
28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything? anything
.29. Do you have any siblings? older brother, christopher james chute, 23 turning 24
30. How often do you spend 'quality time' with family members? we all have our own things going so not that much but we get together every once in a while
G - Growing:
31. How tall are you? 5'9”
32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? nope
33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? can be both
34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? no, i wanna get old but at the same time i don't cause then my life will end and that will be it, the next chapter will be death....
35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? in some areas yea
H - Hope:
36. Love - real or not? it's as real as people. i love you baby
37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? pessimist by default
38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? fate and karma play big in my life but i also drive my own destiny
39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? yes, and i can't explain why
40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? the love of my fiancee and family
I - Issues:
41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? have for a while now
42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? not that i know of
43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? i love her to death and the distance is great but we pull through the best we can for the moment, love you baby
44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? not as long as my family and friends stick by me
45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? used to be constantly but someone is pulling me out of it
J - Jokes:
46. Are you usually the one making people laugh, or the other way around? depends
47. Do you cry when you laugh hard? not really, my eyes water
49. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? i never really did anything in class except keep to myself
K - Knowledge:
50. The purpose of school: to prepare us for modern day life
51. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? i'm a genius in my dumbass ways is a fav quote that adam and i thought up when in calgary
52. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark)? not sure anymore
53. What was your last average? again not sure
54. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? ART
L - Love:
55. Are you currently in love? absolutly
56. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? yes
57. Is love worth it? in this case, till i die
58. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they 'love' someone that they've been dating for a few weeks? unless you know for a fact that you feel it, it shouldn't be said
59. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? only if i feel it ^^^
M - Money:
60. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? sadly...
61. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? i don't care, moms was a single mother raising two boys on her own, we did alright
62. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? no i'm saving to move
63. Would you rather win millions of dollars and be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry and start a family with? i'd rather have the love of my life thank you very much
64. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? 2
N - Naughty:
65. Are you a virgin? no
66. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you're not going out with? i've had enough of it
67. Do you know anybody you consider a slut? not at the moment, i have a reputation tho
68. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? i wouldn't erase anything or change anything, whats happend made me me
69. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? depends
O - Openness:
70. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? i'm a very paranoid person so i don't trust no one until they earn my trust and that takes a while
71. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? time and effort
72. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? past, present and probably future
73. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? the time was right for us, we waited long enough
74. When it comes to parents and close friends, what's the limit of what you can tell them? anything to a point
P - Positive:
75. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn't necessarily end positivetly? all the time
76. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? for those who have loved and lost, they know the pain, for those who havn't they will find out
77. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? pessimistic by default like a few questions back
78. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? something good that came out of something that could have been bad is happening in my life as we speak... and will continue until i die
79. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? i'm not sure
Q - Questions:
80. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? could go either way
81. Do you often question the world and how we came about? everytime i step outside into reality
82. Do you think the government is truthful? not a chance in hell
83. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? depends on how the situation is
84. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? idiocy
R - Respect:
85. How do you show respect? by always telling my friends and family whats on my mind no questions asked and just being there for them
86. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? hurting my friend/family, trying to steal what is mine, belittling ppl, any number of things
87. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? mom and grandma definatly, others can go to hell unless they show me the proper respect back. it goes both ways
88. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? i get yelled at alot
89. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? my mind is a little too viscious for it's own good sometimes
S - School:
90. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? nothing
91. When will you graduate high school? i got kicked out for calling the principal the "c" word 92. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? worked and moved alot
93. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? i hate school and thats all i'm saying
94. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? i've already answered that one
T - Temptation:
95. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? yes
96. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? not really
97. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? a long time ago, cause i was stupid
98. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn't really know or love? What did you end up doing? i've done too many things that are sexual that i can't remember them all
99. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? i can hold my own
U - Unique:
100. Would you rather blend in with the crowd or stand out? i blend even if i don't want to, but if anyone gets to know me i don't blend that well in my head
101. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? nope
102. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? i wear whats comfortable
103. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? nope
104. What makes you different from people your age? i'm me and they are themselves
V - Value:
105. What's the most expensive thing in your room? my 2 x-boxes and my cds
106. Would you sacrifice your life for other people? steph, most definatly, moms, most definatly, chris, yes, adam, yes, bob, yes, sean, yes
107. What is something you value not because it costs a lot, but because it means a lot to you? my pictures of steph cause they get me through the hard times when i miss her to much
108. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the one thing you would want to save? cds and both x-boxes
109. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could happen? then the future? some parts i wish i could forget, others make me think.
W - Wishes:
110. If you had three wishes, what would they be? to be with steph everyday, to have the money to pay for her schooling and for my mother to go to africa before she dies and doesn't have the chance to
111. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? i wish both, my loved ones to be happy in what they do and me to be happy knowing that they are alright and secure
112. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? depends on my mood
113. Have you ever had a wish come true? ones coming true as we speak, again i love you baby
114. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that's meant to happen, will happen? not everything that is meant to happen will happen, you need to work on them, just like your dreams and wishes
X - Xanga: Xanga (IPA: [zæŋgə]) is a website that hosts weblogs, photoblogs, and social networking profiles. It is operated by Xanga.com, Inc., based in New York City, USA.Y -
You:
115. Are you more independent or social? independant by default of paranoia of new people
116. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? certain things i see on blogs here and there, feeling useless, stuff like that
117. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? everyone does, they just need to work on it
118. What kind of person would you be if you didn't have guidance from family members, God, teachers, etc.? dead
119. Do you think people are generally good? they can be, but everyone has a vindictive side to them
Z - Zest:
120. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? at times, but then i get down
121. Are you more outgoing, ready for anything, or boring and shy? i can be any of those, depends on the situatuon
122. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? people change everyday
123. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? i like to try new things but i also like to keep my circle of friends small enough to be ok with
124. What is the most motivational thing in the world? the love of my fiancee
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
**These Lines**-Andrew C.
"The Lines"
Can these lies, these lies
wait out these lines?
can these lies, these lies
wait out our lives?
now through the window we see it's raining
and we're stuck inside
our days just passing us by
we've played all our games
still outside it rains.
there's nothing on the television
our lives are slipping
can these lies, these lies
wait out these lines?
cna these lies, these lies
wait out our lives?
with articulation we follow through
on all the things we never promised to do
and some how we've pulled through everything
not a scratch on you
everything piled on me
still outside it pours.
and we stay inside closed doors
inside where the heat keeps us warm
no water to soak our bones
inside where the walls are speaking,
always with the wind, creaking.
still outside it pours.
and we're trapped indoors
can these lies, these lies
wait out these lines?
can these lies, these lies
wait out our lives?
each drop is something, everything more
the lies that we hold indoors
all the things we try not to say
thats what it's raining
each drop a broken promise,
a life of everything without you,
the lies i hid from every ones view,
now they're pouring down around us.
cand your eyes, your eyes
ever forgive this fool?
can your heart, your heart
ever forgive this fool too?
cause my heart pains for the rain
at least then you'd see
everything we hold back
everything that pains me
and in this prison we live in,
the doors locks will be opened
then maybe we can be free
Andrew C.
Can these lies, these lies
wait out these lines?
can these lies, these lies
wait out our lives?
now through the window we see it's raining
and we're stuck inside
our days just passing us by
we've played all our games
still outside it rains.
there's nothing on the television
our lives are slipping
can these lies, these lies
wait out these lines?
cna these lies, these lies
wait out our lives?
with articulation we follow through
on all the things we never promised to do
and some how we've pulled through everything
not a scratch on you
everything piled on me
still outside it pours.
and we stay inside closed doors
inside where the heat keeps us warm
no water to soak our bones
inside where the walls are speaking,
always with the wind, creaking.
still outside it pours.
and we're trapped indoors
can these lies, these lies
wait out these lines?
can these lies, these lies
wait out our lives?
each drop is something, everything more
the lies that we hold indoors
all the things we try not to say
thats what it's raining
each drop a broken promise,
a life of everything without you,
the lies i hid from every ones view,
now they're pouring down around us.
cand your eyes, your eyes
ever forgive this fool?
can your heart, your heart
ever forgive this fool too?
cause my heart pains for the rain
at least then you'd see
everything we hold back
everything that pains me
and in this prison we live in,
the doors locks will be opened
then maybe we can be free
Andrew C.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
"Me Vs. ME"
i just couldn't be far from you
when everything was going good
it was just another case of me fucking up
cause i ruined every part of you
my frown won't go away
you can only see pain on my face
everything around me just keeps fucking up
and i'm scared for you
i got the feeling that you won't last
that like all the others you'll go
i just couldn't be far from you
then everything was turned around
i broke my own heart
no one can hear me scream,
when i scream inside.
no one can see my fear,
it's buried deep inside.
i feel that old familiar feeling
paranoia creeping into my veins
i know in the end i'll be alone
no one stays for long
my smile won't come back
i've lost my laugh
and my wrists have to deal with the pain
as the shadows creep in
i look up and i see you
crying out for help
i guess this time i really fucked up
cause i forgot about love.
no one can hear me scream,
when i scream inside.
no one can see my fear,
it's buried deep inside,
but i know in the end.
everyone will leave me.
i just couldn't be far from you
when everything was going good
it was just another case of me fucking up
cause i ruined every part of you
Andrew C.
i just couldn't be far from you
when everything was going good
it was just another case of me fucking up
cause i ruined every part of you
my frown won't go away
you can only see pain on my face
everything around me just keeps fucking up
and i'm scared for you
i got the feeling that you won't last
that like all the others you'll go
i just couldn't be far from you
then everything was turned around
i broke my own heart
no one can hear me scream,
when i scream inside.
no one can see my fear,
it's buried deep inside.
i feel that old familiar feeling
paranoia creeping into my veins
i know in the end i'll be alone
no one stays for long
my smile won't come back
i've lost my laugh
and my wrists have to deal with the pain
as the shadows creep in
i look up and i see you
crying out for help
i guess this time i really fucked up
cause i forgot about love.
no one can hear me scream,
when i scream inside.
no one can see my fear,
it's buried deep inside,
but i know in the end.
everyone will leave me.
i just couldn't be far from you
when everything was going good
it was just another case of me fucking up
cause i ruined every part of you
Andrew C.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
The Living With the Nothing
*Billy Talent-Surrender*
she reads a book from across the street,
waiting for someone that she'll never meet.
talk over coffee for an hour or two,
she wonders why i'm always in a good mood.
killin' time before she struts her stuff,
she needs support and i've become the crutch.
she'll never know how much she means to me.
i'd play the game but i'm the referee.
surrender every word, every thought every sound.
surrender every touch, every smile every frown.
surrender all the pain we've endured until now.
surrender all the hope that i lost you have found.
surrender yourself to me.
even though i know what i'm looking for,
she's got a brick wall behind her door.
i'd travel time and confess to her,
but i'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger.
surrender every word, every thought every sound.
surrender every touch, every smile every frown.
surrender all the pain we've endured until now.
surrender all the hope that i lost you have found.
surrender yourself to me.
i think i found a flower in a field of weeds,
i think i found a flower in a field of weeds.
searching until my hands bleed.
this flower don't belong to me.
this flower don't belong to me.
why could she belong to me?
every word, every thought every sound.
every touch, every smile every frown.
all the pain we've enudure until now.
all the hope that i lost you have found.
surrender every word, every thought every sound.
surrender every touch, every smile every frown.
surrender all the pain we've endured until now.
surrender all the hope that i lost you have found.
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask,
(surrender) has my moment come and passed?
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask,
(surrender)has my moment come and passed?
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask,
(surrender) has my moment come and passed?
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask.
well work has been, well work, i'm not sure if i like it or not. i got to spend some time with steph a while ago, that helped me cool my boots a bit. seems stress comes with everything now a days. not so much that i can't concentrate but just enough to make me wanna flip out, get pissed and forget almost everything. thank god in those times i can do something else to cool down.
i miss you baby, even tho we did have that week, i still miss you.
YESTERDAY WAS THE DAY: Finger Eleven came out with thier 5th album, thats right i said 5th. for those of you who don't know, Finger Eleven was first called "Rainbow Butt Monkeys". they only released one album under that name, "letters from chutney" awesome album from when they guys were younger. the album names under the name Finger Eleven are as follows, in order: Tip, Greyest of Blue Skies, Finger Eleven and finally the new one Then Vs You Vs Me.
i'm a total geek for these guys. they are my favorite band for a reason.
now it's 3:06am i work at 4:00pm and i'm not tired, tho i'm sure i'd be able to fall asleep i think i might just go to alluc.org and watch something.
so night to the one i love. kisses and hugs.
i miss you more with every passing minute.
to those that i know or don't: peace out and much respect.
Andrew C.
she reads a book from across the street,
waiting for someone that she'll never meet.
talk over coffee for an hour or two,
she wonders why i'm always in a good mood.
killin' time before she struts her stuff,
she needs support and i've become the crutch.
she'll never know how much she means to me.
i'd play the game but i'm the referee.
surrender every word, every thought every sound.
surrender every touch, every smile every frown.
surrender all the pain we've endured until now.
surrender all the hope that i lost you have found.
surrender yourself to me.
even though i know what i'm looking for,
she's got a brick wall behind her door.
i'd travel time and confess to her,
but i'm afraid she'd shoot the messenger.
surrender every word, every thought every sound.
surrender every touch, every smile every frown.
surrender all the pain we've endured until now.
surrender all the hope that i lost you have found.
surrender yourself to me.
i think i found a flower in a field of weeds,
i think i found a flower in a field of weeds.
searching until my hands bleed.
this flower don't belong to me.
this flower don't belong to me.
why could she belong to me?
every word, every thought every sound.
every touch, every smile every frown.
all the pain we've enudure until now.
all the hope that i lost you have found.
surrender every word, every thought every sound.
surrender every touch, every smile every frown.
surrender all the pain we've endured until now.
surrender all the hope that i lost you have found.
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask,
(surrender) has my moment come and passed?
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask,
(surrender)has my moment come and passed?
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask,
(surrender) has my moment come and passed?
(surrender) i never had the nerve to ask.
well work has been, well work, i'm not sure if i like it or not. i got to spend some time with steph a while ago, that helped me cool my boots a bit. seems stress comes with everything now a days. not so much that i can't concentrate but just enough to make me wanna flip out, get pissed and forget almost everything. thank god in those times i can do something else to cool down.
i miss you baby, even tho we did have that week, i still miss you.
YESTERDAY WAS THE DAY: Finger Eleven came out with thier 5th album, thats right i said 5th. for those of you who don't know, Finger Eleven was first called "Rainbow Butt Monkeys". they only released one album under that name, "letters from chutney" awesome album from when they guys were younger. the album names under the name Finger Eleven are as follows, in order: Tip, Greyest of Blue Skies, Finger Eleven and finally the new one Then Vs You Vs Me.
i'm a total geek for these guys. they are my favorite band for a reason.
now it's 3:06am i work at 4:00pm and i'm not tired, tho i'm sure i'd be able to fall asleep i think i might just go to alluc.org and watch something.
so night to the one i love. kisses and hugs.
i miss you more with every passing minute.
to those that i know or don't: peace out and much respect.
Andrew C.
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